


GO HOME WADE

by SParkie96



Category: DCU (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), OCs - Fandom
Genre: Deadpool used to molest Spidey, He Still Molests Spidey, Multi, Rated For Deadpool in General, Rated for Deadpool's Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3487766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SParkie96/pseuds/SParkie96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Several Times Deadpool was shunned from the Helicarrier and several Heroes' homes. Rated T-M for Deadpool's sick and twisted humor and language. Also a crossover due to crossing over into the DC universe and several cartoons and shows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No One Screws With Tony Stark

**Author's Note:**

> First Chapter takes place at Stark Towers (Soon to be Avengers' Tower)

The sound of machinery and tinkering echoed throughout the wings of the laboratory. Over top of the sounds, faint ACDC could be heard blaring through the speakers of said lab as well. Through the doors, one would said playboy billionaire Tony Stark fixing up his Iron Man suit. He crazily sang along with the song in a not-too-serious and not-too-well manner. He paused in his working to play the air guitar during the guitar solo part of the song. Dum-E, the robotic cleaner who currently wore a "Dunce" cap, looked over with his single optic, very curious as to what his master was doing. Once the guitar solo finished, Tony continued to weld the currently opened "wound" shut on his armor. Tony caught the robot staring out of the corner of his eye,

"Dum-E, there's a reason you're wearing that cap, remember?" he asked, looking over his goggles to scold the robot.

The little bot released a sort of whine and lowered its claw to pick up its forgotten broom, continuing to sweep up the floors. Tony shook his head in mock disappointment, using a tiny remote in front of him to change the song. LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know" began to play, making the billionaire shimmy his shoulders, shake his hips and bob his head, singing along with the song once again.

Snickering could be heard outside the lab as an unknown form watched the silliness happening inside. The form also held a camera in its hands, catching the billionaire actions on film. The figure slowly ebbed its way into the lab, staying out of sight and out of the way. That is, until they accidentally knocked a couple of tools off of a nearby workbench. They made more noise when they attempted to catch said tools in a not too graceful manner.

Tony whipped around at the noise, turning off his music at the same time. He called J.A.R.V.I.S., commanding the cyber butler to activate the security measures and to make sure Pepper and Justin were safe. The butler did as he was told, causing the lab to go into Total Lockdown Mode. The doors shut and locked, windows became covered with metal shutters that locked into place. Various cannons and guns appeared from the walls, ceiling and floor in defense. Tony even armed himself with his gauntlet, pointing the glowing weapon at the unknown intruder,

"Alright, alright! I give!" a voice called. Two red and black clad arms stuck up from behind the workbench in defense. One hand dropped a tool while the other held a video camera. Tony huffed in annoyance and dropped his arm, instantly recognizing the costume and the voice.

"What the hell do you want, Wade?" the raven haired male called out, taking on a relaxed but annoyed posture.

The arms rose up and from behind the bench revealed a very wide eyed Deadpool. He slowly put his hands behind his head, as if he was about to be arrested. Then, his A.D.D. kicked in, attention turned to little Iron Man statues sitting on a counter to his left. He let out a girlish squeal and ran over to excitedly inspect them,

"O M G! I didn't know you collected these! I have all of these! Well, except for this one. And this one. And this-" Deadpool exclaimed, pointing at every statue he didn't have.

Tony rolled his eyes, "That's great. Now, what the hell do you want?"

Deadpool became quiet and looked up at Tony. He gave a shrug.

Tony raised a brow, "You. Don't. Know? You broke into my house, and you don't know why?"

"Hey! I didn't break in! Your boy let me in." Deadpool said in defense.

The billionaire's eye twitched, "Did you really give Justin a choice?".

The Mercenary shook his head. Tony groaned in annoyance. He really did not have time for this. He had to be at the Helicarrier in a few minutes and needed his suit to get there. His goal was to fix his suit and report back. No where in his schedule did it say that the Merc with the Mouth was to stop over and piss him off. It took a lot to piss off Iron Man, but the sight of Deadpool was enough to set anyone off.

"OOO! WHAT'S THIS DO?!" Deadpool called, sitting in a laboratory escape pod.

Tony shook himself out of his daze. When the hell did Wade get over there?! The raven was about to protest, but a thought came to mind. Wade was in the escape pod. A vehicle that was designed to escape from the lab. In other words, designed to go away. Tony smiled to himself as he waltzed over to the occupied pod, finger hovering over the launch button,

"Well, you press this button here, and..." Tony slammed his hand on the button.

The pod closed and shot out of the wall. Deadpool inside was screaming "WHEEEE!" as he was ejected from the tower. Once the pod was out of sight, the billionaire sighed in content. He went over to the messy workbench to clean up the mess, completely missing Wade's forgotten camera on said workbench. The security measures lifted, making the area open once more. As if on cue, Justin ran downstairs, calling for Tony.

"DAD! WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!" Justin hollered.

"Who, Just?" Tony asked, without looking at the young man.

"That bastard Deadpool! Wait until I get my hands on him!" Justin said viciously.

"Why's th- Holy hell!" Tony called.

Justin's head was shave on both sides. The hair was shaved into twin Deadpool symbols and had been colored red and black. Justin's white tank top had "I Suck, Deadpool Rocks!" spray painted in black letters on both the front and the back of it. Justin's hands were handcuffed behind his back and his pant's were down around his ankles, exposing his black boxers.

Though he should've felt bad, Tony couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his mouth. He quickly cleared his throat once he saw the hurt look on the younger male's face. He pat the younger on the back, informing him that Deadpool was gone. When asked how and where, Tony informed the other that the idiot had used the escape pod. Justin nodded, finally slipping his hands out of the cuffs and tearing off his own shirt, before throwing it out. He yanked up his pants as Tony went back to finish his suit. As the brunette walked passed the work bench, his eyes caught sight of the forgotten video camera. Curiously, he picked it up as a video began to play.

Justin chuckled, "Hey, Dad! I didn't know you were a fan of LMFAO!" he called.


	2. No Wade, Just No (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool harasses the Parker Residence

Peter Parker yawned as he turned over in his bed, arm outstretched as he blindly looked for his wife's body. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at her side of the bed. Seeing that she wasn't there, the brunette got up and stretched, yawning once more. The smell of food cooking drifted upstairs and flooded his nostrils, making him move quicker. He looked at the calendar on the wall and was relieved to see that it was in fact Saturday and he did not have work. This meant that he could eat breakfast in his pajamas with his lovely family.

Assuming said family was actually all here.

On his way to the bathroom, Peter went over everything from the night before. Sami didn't have to go to Gotham this weekend, her adopted daughters here as well. Ben didn't have soccer practice today, Anya cancelled her plans, and Dick Grayson and Jack Dublin had slept over, so they were probably joining them for breakfast. He finished up and washed his hands before proceeding downstairs. Peter silently prayed to god that SHIELD didn't need him today, because he was only in the mood for patrolling today. And maybe monitor duty later, but not a full blown mission.

As he rounded the corner, his Spidey Sense went off. He looked around him before he heard his wife shrieking, calling for him. He heard someone running down the steps behind him and grabbed at the body, putting the person in a head lock,

"DAD! It's me!" Sami called, grabbing at the arm around her throat.

Peter sighed in relief, letting his daughter go. They looked at each other with matching worried looks before running into the kitchen. Sami's little girls, Samantha and Mindy nearly tackled the elder girl as they hugged her middle and hid their faces in fear. Peter looked down at them, asking them what was going on. Mindy spoke up first,

"Some asshole broke through the window and began slicing up the couch!" she exclaimed.

"What?!" Sami asked in both shock and confusion.

"He's scary!" Lil Sam explained.

Peter told the three girls to stay put and continued on to the kitchen. Bloom was still hollering for Peter and he could hear Ben yell something along the lines of, "Get the hell away from me, freak!". Peter finally emerged into the kitchen and nearly struck the person nearest him. He stopped in his tracks as Bloom almost hit him with a frying pan. A very hot frying pan. She stopped in her tracks as well. She dropped the pan and embraced her husband. He wrapped his arms around her as well, curling his fingers in her hair. He pulled her back enough to look into her face, while also looking around at the carnage in both the dining room and living room. Ben emerged from outside, the intruder missing. Peter looked back at Bloom,

"What. Happened?" Peter asked.

Bloom took in a breath and shook her head nervously, "I- This man. He was in a full body suit. Red and black. H-He wore a mask. He looked like you! He-he..." she drifted off.

"He went freaking bat shit crazy and starting wrecking shit up!" Ben finished, throwing his hands in the air for emphasis.

"Red and black? Wore a mask and looked like me? That sounds like..." Peter began.

The front door was kicked down, making the occupants of the room hit the ground to avoid any weapons or bullets. None came, thankfully. Peter looked up at the intruder, who appeared to be back for more,

"Oh Spidey! I'm home!" a high pitched voice called out.

Peter's eyes snapped open and lifted his head off of his wife's. He recognized that voice. That irritatingly annoying voice that forever haunts every single hero that hated the owner of said voice. The Merc with the Mouth himself,

"Deadpool." Peter growled, releasing his wife. He put himself between his family and Deadpool.

"Aw! You remember!" Deadpool said excitedly.

"This guy knows dad?" Ben asked his mom. Bloom shrugged.

Deadpool chuckled and whipped out his guns. Bloom and Ben ducked behind the counter with freaked out yelps, but Peter held his ground. He glared at the older, red clad man. Wade released a chuckle, turning the safety off on his gun. Noises from the stairs made both men look over. Jack and Sami were in the entryway, weapons ready. Deadpool fired off several rounds, ignoring Peter's cry of "NO!". Luckily, the teens had dove out of the way before the shots could hit them. The Merc loaded up his guns again and held one against Peter's forehead. There was silence once again. Bloom held Ben in her arms, watching in horror at what may or may not unfold. She silently pleaded the Merc not to shoot her husband. Peter looked up defiantly at the elder male,

"You know, I purposely caused all this destruction just to get yer attention. I have to say, you're pretty damn slow. I wanted to at least have a little wrestling match before unaliving you." Deadpool said seriously.

The Spider-Man continued to glare at the man that had terrorized his family, "And why exactly did you want my attention?"

A smile could not be seen, but Spidey knew it was there underneath of the Mercenary's mask. Deadpool clicked the gun and pulled the trigger, Peter closed his eyes as Bloom reacted. She threw a fireball at the masked freak, sending him flying back through the front door. The gun still went off, but no bullets shot out. Peter opened his eyes again, and looked down at the gun. A tiny pole with a little flag stuck out of the barrel. The flag had BANG in big red letters. Bloom ran to his side and looked down as well,

"Wha?" she asked, dumbfounded. Peter looked back up at Deadpool, who was recovering and laughing hysterically,

"Is this some kind of sick joke?!" Peter hollered, running over to grab the merc by the front of his uniform.

Deadpool laughed harder, "Uh, yeah! I would never unalive you! I love you!"

"Unalive?" Ben asked in confusion.

"Yeah, cause I can't say the K word. Cause some author doesn't want to write the K Word." Deadpool said, staring at the ceiling. The other occupants in the room looked at the ceiling, but did not see anything.

Deadpool looked at them again, "Oh wait, she just wrote that to contribute to my character and relate this to my ability to break the fourth wall!"

Ben, Bloom, and Peter exchanged confused looks and shrugged. Peter angrily grabbed Deadpool and threw him outside, informing him to go home.


	3. Messing With Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monkeys and Fury don't mix

All seemed almost quiet on the helicarrier, a rare luxury almost never met by one Colonial Nick Fury. The African-American male sat down in his office, rubbing at his temples with annoyed impatience. Currently, the Director of SHIELD was stuck filling out paperwork for the damages done by one of SHIELD's many superteams, NXT Generation, a teenage group (or high school troublemakers) that had almost destroyed the left side of Manhattan while in the process of taking down Dr. Doom. He huffed in annoyance, wondering why he let the Avengers talk him into allowing a teenage group.

A snapping of gum took Fury out of his mental ranting. He slowly looked around at his surroundings, wondering where the snapping of gum would've possibly come from, considering he was the only one in his office. And if he remembered correctly, he sent Coulson and his newly formed team around the world (Agents of SHIELD XD), in search of remainders of Tesseract, Chitauri, and Extremis related technology and/or weaponry. So, Coulson is not present. No other superheroes (Metahuman or just normal human) would ever dare intrude into Fury's office unless summoned by said Colonial.

All except maybe one double-agent.

Fury pulled his gun out of his holster while turning the safety off at the same time. He carefully closed the case file he was working on, readying his gun in self-defense. He pointed the weapon at the front door before carefully shifting around to study the other parts of his office to avoid a sneak attack. Above, he could hear faint squeaking, indicating that the intruder may or may not be above him. As he slowly and steadily moved across the floor, he kept guarded. SHIELD couldn't afford another spontaneous attack like last time. Last time, it cost them a whole Helicarrier. They had just finished building this one a couple weeks ago.

Another creek brought Fury back to his current situation, moving a hand toward his ear to his comm. link. Before could use it, however, a red blur ran across his office. Quickly, he shot at the blur. Unfortunately, he missed every shot. He cursed under his breath, calling Coulson and demanding that he send up agents as back-up in case this was about to get ugly. The Intruder Alert Alarm went off, continuing to inform everyone on the Helicarrier that there was intruders aboard.

When he turned back around, he was face-to-face with Deadpool. Or what he thought was Deadpool. Instead, he saw that he was actually face-to-face with a monkey dressed like the Mercenary. Noises behind him made him turn around again. There were multiple monkeys dressed like Deadpool now destroying his office. The monkey on his desk jumped on to his back and began to mercilessly slap his head over and over again as it screeched obnoxiously. One monkey sat on the Copier, printing copies of his butt. Two monkeys in front of the window were throwing, what better be, chocolate at each other. Two monkeys jumped up and down on his desk, ripping and throwing papers.

Fury ripped the monkey attacking him off of his back and threw it across the room. He shot bullets toward the monkeys flinging brown stuff at each other, scaring them off. He pistol whipped one off of his desk and kicked the other off. When he ran out of bullets, Fury threw his empty gun at the monkey sitting on his copier, hitting it in the head, causing it to fall off.

"My babies!" a voice shrieked.

Fury turned around, now face-to-face with the real Deadpool. Wade picked up one and cradled it like a baby to his chest. He pulled a banana from seemingly no where and gave it to the simian, who happily accepted it with a screech. Deadpool let it go as it latched on to a pipe in the ceiling, swinging wildly like an out of control animal. Which it was.

"Don't you hurt my babies!" Deadpool said in a feminine voice.

"Your "babies" are destroying my office! Now take your overgrown rats and get the hell off of my Helicarrier!" Fury demanded pulling out another gun and leveling it with Deadpool's head, ready to blast it off his shoulders.

"But, Fury! I left them here because I'm too cheap to pay for a baby-sitter and I'm busy! And I thought you loved monkeys!" Deadpool protested.

"GET OUT!" Fury hollered, shooting at Deadpool and the monkeys.

They all ran out in a panic, rushing past all of the agents. Fury let out a frustrated huff and sat at his desk, furiously rubbing at his temples as an attempt to ease his aching headache. Coulson ran in, a band of armed agents, Black Widow and Sami Parker.

"Are you okay, sir?" Coulson asked.

"I don't know, Phil. Do I look okay?" Fury asked.

Sami leaned toward Natasha, "Uncle Tony owes me ten bucks" Sami whispered. Nat looked at the teenager in confusion. Sami explained that her and Uncle Tony had a bet going. Tony didn't think Coulson actually had a first name, and if he did, it was Agent. Sami bet that Coulson had a first name and guessed it was Phil, which; according to her father, it actually was Phil.

"What happened?" Natasha asked.

"Deadpool happened."

"Ugh, Deadpool showed up here, too?" Sami asked.

"Too?" Coulson and Fury asked.

Sami nodded her head, "Justin called me earlier. Deadpool showed up at Uncle Tony's House around six this morning, destroyed his lab and Justin, I think. Then somehow made it to our house before breakfast, destroyed our house. And now, he did this."

Fury and Coulson exchanged incredulous looks.

Fury pressed the button for the loud speaker, "This is Colonial Fury. I am sending out a one four on Deadpool, aka Wade Wilson. If anyone sees him, shoot him on the spot. I want that bastard brought here where we can keep track of him. If he's locked up, he'll be unable to cause anymore trouble."

Once he shut off the loudspeaker, they all sat in silence. Well, except for Sami, who was currently on the phone with Batman, warning him of Deadpool and asking him to warn the rest of the League. The last thing they needed was a crazed Mercenary causing anymore trouble to all the superheroes. Though, why he was doing so seemed to be the question of the day. His attacks didn't cause harm to anyone. Just their property.

'The bastard's probably bored and destroys everything as entertainment.' Sami thought to herself with a roll of her eyes.

"Colonial Fury, look out the window." An agent rushed in and said.

The small crowd in the office did so. Some withheld and muffled laughs. Others just shook their heads in annoyance. Nat just snorted at what she saw while Sami openly laughed and videoed the whole thing with her IPhone. Coulson shook his head, saying that this was a total disgrace and was definitely an immature action. Fury growled at what he saw, ready to shoot something.

Written in the sky with Jet Trails, was "Fury is a One-Eyed Pirate and Can kiss Deadpool's Ass".

How Wade pulled that off and lived, no one ever knew.


	4. Hulk It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hulks + Deadpool = Formula for Disaster

The Helicarrier was the equivalent of a beehive, buzzing with agents as they moved about the platform. SHIELD was on high alert, thanks to a certain red-clad mercenary. Fury barked out orders to all the employees, impatiently waiting for status on the mercenary's current location. He needed to know where Deadpool was, where he was heading, when he was getting there, whom he was going with, and why. The mercenary was causing damage to various areas without a plausible explanation or plan. It seemed like senseless damage. Fury secretly hoped that the missing man was not going through all this trouble out of complete boredom. That was the last thing anyone needed; a bored mercenary.

They had already dealt with an angry Bruce Wayne, who was furious that SHIELD had sent Agent Coulson to intrude on a Wayne Enterprise meeting. The reason being that sending Coulson could've compromised his secret identity. This caused the director to laugh in the billionaire's face, explaining that he could kiss his ass and that Deadpool would have done worse if Bruce was not warned by Coulson. The billionaire begrudgingly thanked the Director before ending their conversation.

On the ground, Sami Parker and Dick Grayson kept a look-out on the monitors in the Batcave. There had been no strange blips and everything seemed normal and in order.

Hulk and his Agents of SMASH were currently in the recreational center in the Helicarrier. Everyone kept a close eye on the Hulks, worried that if they were left alone with Deadpool, they could cause devastation on the ground. Though, several agents weren't sure that having the Hulks on the Helicarrier was such a good idea either. They could bring down the Helicarrier and send them all crashing into New York. They were not willing to risk their agents and were sure as hell not willing to risk hundreds of innocent civilians.

* * *

**Recreational Center, Helicarrier...**

* * *

The obnoxiously loud sound of crunching and munching could be heard down the hall from the Rec Center. Hulk had challenged Red-Hulk and Skaar to another one of their weekly burrito eating challenges while A-Bomb played referee. She-Hulk sat to the side as she read her magazine, watching their little competition every once and a while. They were laughing and having a good time, totally ignoring the fact that SHIELD wanted them to remain on the Helicarrier and not to open the door unless it was an authorized SHIELD Agent.

Though Red-Hulk had been ticked off about the whole idea at first, Hulk and the rest of the team had managed to calm him down enough to get him to stay. He decided to stay after SHIELD fulfilled their request of six or seven dozen burritos. Hence, why they were now taking part in this little challenge. After about forty-eight or forty-nine, Red-Hulk surrendered, leaving it to just Hulk and Skaar. She-Hulk playfully teased Red-Hulk, saying that she couldn't believe he gave in already.

As Hulk and Skaar were about to devour the rest of the burritos, there was a knock at the Rec Door. The Hulks froze, dropping whatever they were doing and getting ready for a fight. Red-Hulk grabbed his big gun from behind the couch, aiming at the door. She-Hulk motioned that she would go to see who it was. Apparently, whoever at the door was impatient, banging even louder and more rapidly.

"Who's there?" She-Hulk called, pressing an ear to the metal door.

"..."

She looked back at the other Hulks, exchanging confused looks with the others. Red-Hulk got closer to the door, keeping his gun trained on the door. Hulk moved next to She-Hulk, who kept her ear on the door. He called out this time, keeping his voice firm. There was still no response, causing the group to become very on edge. If it was a SHIELD Agent, they would have either came in already or at least responded.

"Look bud," Hulk called out, "Whoever you are, you either tell us who you are, or leave."

"...Housekeeping!" A shrill voice called out.

This caused the Hulks to give the door looks of confusion. Skaar asked what housekeeping was. A-Bomb said that he would explain it to him later. Red-Hulk rolled his eyes, becoming a little annoyed with whoever was behind this door. She-Hulk tried to contact Fury, but received static on her end. Hulk did the same with Tony and the rest of the Avengers, but received the same result.

Red-Hulk let out a frustrated huff, "Look, pal! SHIELD doesn't have Housekeeping! Now, who the hell are you?"

"Alright, you got me! I'm the Pizza Delivery Guy!" the voice called out again.

"Pizza?!" Skaar asked excitedly, pressing the button to open the door.

The Hulks panicked as they tried to stop him, but he had already opened the door. Once the door opened, a red blur came rushing in with swords swinging. Once the red whirlwind slowed and then stopped, Hulk nearly rolled his eyes. He should of known it was Deadpool. The Mercenary was now sitting on their couch, munching away on their burritos. The Hulks just stared at him, not knowing what to do.

"Oh, thank goodness you opened the door!" Deadpool said dramatically, "I smelled the burritos and came running!"

No one responded as they just continued to stare at the Merc. Skaar looked from the burritos to Deadpool and back, face clearly showing a look of frustration at someone else eating  ** _his_** burritos. Red-Hulk was just annoyed period, not really a fan of this Deadpool guy. There was a growl from both of the Hulks as Red-Hulk readied his gun at Deadpool.

Skaar charged at Deadpool, "MY BURRITOS!" he tackled the Merc, couch and all.

Red-Hulk started firing off his machine gun, bullets flying through the air. This caused the remaining SMASH Agents to take cover. Deadpool let out a feminine scream as he tried to avoid both Skaar's fists and Red's bullets. Though he knew he would not die from either the bullets or Skaar's blows, both would surely hurt like hell. That, and he wasn't in the mood to get smashed.

Not unless alcohol and She-Hulk were involved, if you know what he meant.

As he dove out of the way with his shirtful of burritos, he attempted to escape. Only to get hit with a table. He looked back, after shoving a burrito through his mask, to look at Hulk. The Green Machine had another table in his grasp, ready to throw it at Deadpool. A-Bomb was already out the door, on his way to go get help from SHIELD while She-Hulk blocked the door.

"Hulky, Baby! Can't we just talk about this?" Deadpool called out.

His answer was a table being thrown at him. Luckily he ducked out of the way, "Guess not."

Red-Hulk and Skaar let out battle cries and jumped at Deadpool. Skaar got to him first, pounding his head in with his fists, cursing the Mercenary for eating his burritos. Red-Hulk joined in, cursing the Merc for wasting his bullets. After several minutes, She-Hulk and Hulk decided to pry the others off of Deadpool. The mercenary's body was mangled looking, covered with bruises, blood, and burritos.

She-Hulk cursed her teammates, reminding them that they did not kill. She pressed her ear to the Merc's chest and mouth, unable to hear either a heartbeat or his breathing. She asked the others what they should do, when she heard Deadpool sputter something from his crushed mouth. She looked down at him, asking him to repeat that. He did, but she still could not hear what he said. She got down closer, asking him to repeat what he said.

He leaned up closer to her face...

...and kissed her on the mouth.

She released a horrified sound and pounded his head into the floor. By the time the SHIELD Agents showed up, Hulk was pulling off a cursing and thrashing She-Hulk away from the Merc. Deadpool was barely conscious giving the SHIELD Agents a lazy thumbs up, his mouth smiling under his mask. He was hoisted on to a gurney and taken to be treated in the Infirmary before they could take him to one of the Interrogation Rooms.


	5. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The answer they have all been waiting for: why does Wade do what he does?

Never in his entire career as Spider-Man had Peter seen so many SHIELD Agents in one room. He also never imagined all these SHIELD agents would gather around one person in an Infirmary Room, of all places. Each agent had their own gun, each a different size with different types of _Fire-power._ All were armed and ready, trained on the wounded mercenary.

Speaking of which, despite the Mercenary's normal yet pesky behavior, the wall crawler kind of felt bad for Deadpool. The Merc with the Mouth was now silent due to his injuries, bandages were wrapped around his entire head with the exception of his eyes. Those eyes watched everyone in the room, seemingly unsure of what to do. He seemed to have looked over to Peter helplessly. Peter just stared back, not sure what to do either. This caused Deadpool to look back to Fury, who glared hatefully at the other.

The silence in the room became a bit uncomfortable, causing Peter to shift in place uncomfortably. He looked over to the other Avengers, who all stood by the door in case Deadpool made an attempt at freedom. They looked just as uncomfortable as Peter. The web slinger knew that Tony must be especially uncomfortable just standing there and doing nothing. The billionaire was staring hard at the broken down heart monitor sitting just inches away from him, probably just itching to get his hands on it and fix it, or make it into something better. The rest of the team looked either bored or on edge.

Fury cleared his throat, causing everyone to immediately turn their attention to the SHIELD Director, "I have just one question for you, Deadpool: what was the point of all this senseless chaos? Why the random acts of vandalism, harassment, home-invasions? Just, why?"

Everyone watched the red clad vigilante, waiting for his response. Waiting to see why he had caused all this madness and chaos.

He shrugged in response.

If looks could kill, the Merc would be dead ten times over.

Most of the heroes in the room looked ready to kill the mercenary, others looked ready to stop any of their teammates should they do something stupid. There was chattering in Peter's ear, reminding him that he had left his comm. link on so his kids could hear the mercenary's reasons for all this insanity.

"Dad, what the hell is going on? What is he saying? Dad?" His daughter asked almost desperately.

Peter didn't know if he should tell them or not. He wanted to lean toward the "No" decision, because he knew his wife's temper as well as his children's tempers. He did not need them unleashing those tempers on to the neighborhood or else SHIELD would be coming after them next.

He was also leaning toward the "Yes" decision, because if he told his daughter, then she wouldn't feel the urge to interrogate the already wounded Merc. He also did not want that to happen just in case Deadpool had been able to heal fast enough to recover and take Sami hostage. Peter certainly did not want that to happen.

"What the fuck do you mean "You don't know"?! Who the hell just waltzes up into places and causes senseless destruction and chaos without knowing why?!" Fury screamed, knocking his chair over in the process.

Deadpool just stared at Fury, his expression (or what could be seen of his face) remained innocent yet confused looking. As if he had no idea what Fury was screaming about. The Director continued to scream until he was blue in the face, while Maria Hill and Coulson struggled to hold him back.

Peter just sighed, telling Sami what Deadpool had said. He winced as the girl hollered out her distress, asking her father how the Merc did not know why he did all this. Peter tried calming the girl down, but to no avail. She threatened to walk into the Helicarrier, guns ablaze. He had to walk out of the room in order to hear her over Fury's hollering. Tony gave him a look that said, "Take me with you." Peter gave the billionaire a sympathetic look as he passed him.

The sound of hollering faded away as Peter went further away from the door.


	6. No Wade, Just No (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter pities the Mercenary (Non-con Spideypool)

"So, what do we do now?" Natasha Romanoff asked.

The Avengers, as well as several other SHIELD Agents, stood around the main deck. Most sat at the table, while others stood off to the side. They were all currently discussing the fate of one Mr. Wade Wilson. Some ideas were as harmless as putting him in the Helicarrier holding cell. Others were...not so harmless. For example, Clint suggested shooting Deadpool into space in a tiny space pod and send it en route...into the Sun. What the Merc had done to the Archer previously, Peter did not know.

Having actually hung out and been friends with Deadpool as a teenager, Peter kind of felt...sorry for the Merc. Granted, he did come into his house and terrorize his family, harass **both** of his daughters **and** him way before that, did something to Sami that made her absolutely despise his existence, but the Merc really meant no harm.

Well, to Peter's family anyway.

He was probably just bored out of his mind or felt lonely and figured he could find his entertainment with all the Heroes. Deadpool was just weird like that, so there was really no understanding the logic behind his insanity. Peter had known him since he just started out as Spider-Man. They always got into trouble when they were teens. It would start out as Deadpool tagging along for patrol and then escalate into some random adventure to find some guy who allegedly stole money from Wade (or vice versa). Then there was that time that Wade stole his suit and did god knows what while in it. It really was no big deal when they were younger.

When Peter **wasn't** an Avenger.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

* * *

_Shortly after officially joining the Avengers, things went to hell. They had just moved into their new Forest Hills home. Sami had been four and Ben just turned one the first time Deadpool had shown up at the house. He remembered coming home from work, all his other kids at their friends' houses and Bloom at work. He was to relieve the babysitter...only to find the poor girl dead in his kitchen. Her body was littered with bullet holes, a look of horror forever frozen in her features. The next thing he remembered was hearing Ben's crying as well as Sami screaming barely understandable things at someone he could not see._

_He immediately had dropped his things and ran to his children's aid. He had come upstairs to Ben's room to see the Merc, with his back toward the entrance, in a French Maid outfit holding Ben in his arms. Sami was at the Merc's feet yelling cuss words at the red clad man. He was trying to stop Ben's cries by threatening the baby with one of his guns if the child would not stop crying. He then threatened to shoot Sami if she did not shut her mouth, but the four year old was having none of it.  
_

_"You're not my Daddy! Put my baby bwother down!" Sami hollered, her pigtails shaking with every shake of her head._

_The four year old must have had some serious guts because she then kicked the Merc in the shin, causing him to cradle his leg and release Ben. Sami had caught the baby and, with some struggle, sat in the corner with the smaller brunette as she tried to stop his crying. The girl made eye-contact with Peter and exclaimed "Daddy!" which then caused the Merc to turn around._

_"Spidey-babe! You're home!" Deadpool exclaimed excitedly._

_The Merc ran toward Peter and scooped the grown man up in a bridal style hold. Peter grunted and tried to push away from the other, but to no avail. Deadpool was a bit stronger than him and held on to him tightly. He heard Sami yelling at the Merc to now put her Daddy down, but Deadpool just told the child to shut the hell up or he would shoot her. Peter protested against that comment, telling the Merc that if he wanted to leave this house **alive** , healing factor be damned, he better not shoot his kid. _

_"You see, I would, but she's so damn annoying! She's been yelling at me to put the baby down the entire time I had him. I just wanted to play with him, you damn kid!" Deadpool said, that last part directed to Sami, who just gave her best glare back._

_"She was defending her little brother. Like any good big sister would do." Peter protested, still trying to get away from the Merc._

_"I just wanted to play! I love kids!" Deadpool exclaimed._

_"Well, mine don't like you. Now, put me down and get the hell out of my house!" Peter hollered, finally getting away from the Merc._

_"Aw! I just got here!" Deadpool whined, grabbing Peter around the waist. Peter groaned and pushed at the other's chest. Damn it, not again!_

_Wade's masked face suddenly leant down closer to Peter's ear, "Besides," he began in a sultry tone, "I want to help you break in the new bed."_

_Peter was then slung over Deadpool's shoulder and carried to his and his wife's room. Sami went to help her father, but he told the young girl to stay put. That Daddy would be just fine and that he would take care of this. Though not exactly reassured by her father's tone, Sami stayed with Ben and just watched with fearful blue eyes. He just hoped he would be able to get away from Deadpool long enough to actually handle the situation. He would probably have to call up Tony or SHIELD. Before he could think of a good plan, he felt his back hit the bed and his clothes were stripped from him._

_That's how his wife found him when she had returned home. Deadpool was long gone by then. She had called Fury to send Medical Help as well as a crime-scene unit. Natasha had come to pick-up and comfort Sami and Ben while Bloom stayed to comfort Peter. His other children were oblivious to the entire event, only aware that someone had broken in to their house and SHIELD was there to make sure no one was hurt._

_SHIELD cleaned up the sitter's body, and sent it to the girl's family so she may have a proper burial. Coulson and Agent Mae disguised themselves as Police Officers and informed the family that their daughter had died when the house was robbed._ _  
_

_He remembered the weeks after that incident. Sami played nurse and caretaker, never wanting to leave his side for fear that this would happen again._

* * *

**END FLASHBACK**

* * *

Unfortunately, between then and this morning, it had happened four more times. So in total, Deadpool attacked his house six times. The second time, Peter was the only one home, same goes for the third time, both the same as the first. The fourth time, it was his older kids. They were having a party when the Mercenary showed up without warning. He caused a huge confetti mess/explosion which took out the living room as well as the front porch. They somehow managed to drive him out afterward. The fifth time, Sami was sick and was the only one home.

* * *

**FLASHBACK 2  
**

* * *

_She was about ten or eleven. The other kids were at school, Bloom was at the grocery store buying more soup, and Peter was coming home from work. He did not know what happened, but when he arrived home he found Deadpool. The Merc was laying on the floor in a puddle of blood, a bullet hole through the head. He found Sami in the kitchen, casually eating a bowl of soup while watching Deadpool's body, waiting for it to get back up. Upon further examination of both Sami and Deadpool, one of Wade's guns was not in the holster, but instead next to Sami on the counter she was leaning against. Wade had a broken wrist and Sami had a bullet wound in her right shoulder._

_When Peter asked the ten year old what happened, she just stared at him and continued to eat her soup. Without warning, Deadpool stood up like nothing had happened and called Sami a little bitch._

_Her response was to shoot him in the head again._

_After SHIELD showed up again, they had taken Deadpool away and taken Sami to their Infirmary for a check-up. Where the bullet hole should have been, there was nothing. The bullet that hit her was found in the Parker's kitchen, clearly covered in blood. There was blood on her tank-top, but not a single scratch on her. She also stayed eerily quiet the entire time. Peter had the Medical Examiners run a Rape-Kit on Sami just in case, but they came back negative, much to his relief._

_When he asked what had happened once again, she admitted that she was hungry and grumpy. She went to the kitchen to get some more soup and Deadpool was in the kitchen. He shot her because she apparently scared him. She got angry, broke his wrist, and turned his gun on him and shot him back. Then, she went and made herself some soup. She shot the Merc again when he tried to get up again._

_She also admitted that her regenerative powers kicked in after being dormant for four years, hence why the bullet was no longer in her shoulder. Peter let out a sigh of relief that nothing else happened to the girl._

_He remembered receiving a call that Deadpool's body was missing from the Morgue._

* * *

**END FLASHBACK 2**

* * *

Deadpool was trouble, chaos. He needed to be dealt with, but in a way that was humane. No matter what Deadpool had done to him and his family in the past, Peter could not bring himself to hurt the Merc in a way that would kill him. The idea just did not sit right with him. They were heroes, damn it! Why would they go to such extremes such as launching Deadpool into the Sun? Isn't that a little extreme?

A nudging at his side broke him out of his thoughts. Peter looked up at the person touching him. Tony nudged him again, making sure the web-slinger was all the way here. Peter reassured the other that he was there and was just doing some thinking. The genius nodded and went back to fiddling with his cellphone. Peter listened to the different ideas that each agent had for Deadpool. His breath hitched when it was time for him to share his opinion. He looked at everyone with shy eyes, suddenly feeling a weight on his eyes. They waited with baited breath for his idea. A pregnant pause hung in the air.

With a nervous sigh, he finally spoke, "I think...we put him in the Helicarrier Holding Cell. Not the normal ones. The one that was built for Hulk. He's gotten stuck in there before. He would not be able to get out unless someone let him out. And if you are all truly desperate, you can hit the release button and send the cell plummeting into the ocean. Just let me know when you do it so I can turn the other cheek because I don't support taking a life. Healing factor or not. It's not right, no matter if he deserves it or not."

"Parker," Coulson began, "Wilson raped you three times. He went after your family six times. And yet, you would let him live."

Peter nodded, "He's still a person."

"Now that," Fury said, "is truly amazing."


	7. The Verdict, The Capture, The Confession

Deadpool sat in silence, not that he had a choice, in his hospital bed. He watched as doctors, nurses, and agents hustled and bustled all around him, all of whom watched his movements cautiously before going about their business. Several agents exchanged shifts watching him.

The Merc released an annoyed and very bored sigh. He honestly lost interest in SHIELD and wanted to so badly go back to his apartment or head over to Sam's Taco Stand. Or perhaps he felt like hunting down a certain Web-Slinger. He was actually in the mood for some Spider-Tail.

Assuming he could get passed the Spider-Brat with the guns.

Wade then silently wondered if Spider-Man knew his youngest daughter was a mercenary. The little bitch stole a few of his targets (and MONEY) at least a couple hundred times. Maybe if he snitched on the little shit, Petey would ground her forever and then she wouldn't be able to steal his contracts. Peter still believed in that grounding shit, right?

Maybe he should just kill the little bitch, it's not like he hasn't done it before. Except she somehow came back, like some fucking Jason Vorhees or Michael Myers type shit. If memory serves him right, she was able to pull one of his swords out of her chest, with these weird black eyes with glowing rings. Then, she got up and attacked him.

Maybe Peter's wife was secretly the devil and her vagina was the portal to hell. Maybe that was why Peter wouldn't willing sleep with him, he was caught under her hellish power.

"Gasp! I've got to save Petey from the devil!" Deadpool exclaimed, suddenly able to speak again.

Without a second thought, Deadpool hopped out of the bed as though he had never even been injured to begin with. Seeing him moving about, the two SHIELD agents began to fire at him. Due to his healing factor, all of their shots were in vain.

"Alright, kiddies. It's been fun, but I got a Spidey to save." Deadpool said, smashing the agents' heads together. The blow successfully knocked them unconscious.

"Hold on, Petey! Daddy's coming!"

* * *

"Look, I know you feel bad and can sympathize with others, but c'mon, Peter!" Tony exclaimed.

"Tony, we're talking about a human being here! You can't seriously expect me to be okay with executing someone!" Peter argued.

Though the majority of the Avengers/Agents sided with Peter's plan, there were others who were not too keen on keeping Deadpool alive or around for much longer. One of those not okay with Deadpool's survival was Tony Stark. He didn't think the Merc deserved any mercy, but did deserve to be torn apart molecule by molecule. It was a process he thought of to stop the mercenary's healing factor and get rid of him once and for all.

Peter was horrified that the billionaire would even be okay with that, but Tony argued with that. He tried to convince Peter to think about Sami and Ben, about what had happened to them the last time Deadpool broke in. He then asked what would happened if Deadpool had not been so merciful. What would happen to them then?

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Nick Fury said, "but I agree with Stark."

"This must be serious..." Clint whispered to Natasha.

"Nick! You can't be serious!" Peter protested.

"I am, Parker. Say we do put him in that cell, and he finds a way out. He's free to do as he wishes. What if one of those things involved Samantha or Ben? What if he went after them and decided to rape or kill them?" Nick asked.

The room became quiet at that, Peter left speechless. No one would have even thought of thinking about that scenario, mainly because they were all worried about their own relatives. Most of the agents had watched Sami grow up on the Helicarrier and couldn't bare the thought of her being violated or murdered by Deadpool.

"If he was able to rape or kill Samantha, you know damn right well the League would get involved. Batman especially would have our heads if something happened, and you and I both know that this the last thing we need Peter." Nick explained.

'Oh, Gods. Oh, no, oh no.' Peter thought, running his fingers through his hair. He couldn't let anything happen to his family. Ever. He also could not let Bruce get involved either. He knew that if Batman, or the rest of them got involved, it would be a disaster. There would be an all out manhunt and a public execution. There would be blood.

With a sigh of defeat, Peter went to give his two cents.

Until the wall next to them blew up. They all dove for cover, shielding each other from any falling debris. Peter pulled Tony out of the way, taking most of the brute force. A decent size piece had managed to hit him, causing him to struggle for consciousness. Tony was okay, just sustaining a sprained wrist. Peter turned toward where the wall used to be, hazy blue eyes scanning for the source.

"Petey! I'm home!" Deadpool shouted, standing on top of the rubble with a bazooka in hand.

"How the hell did he get his hands on a bazooka?" Peter heard Agent May exclaim.

Before anyone could take out their weapons, Deadpool aimed the bazooka toward Fury, who had been closest to the Merc. Everyone froze, Coulson telling several to hold their fire.

Deadpool giggled, "Now that I got everyone's attention, Spider-Man...you come with me, or Fury gets to visit that shiny gold Helicarrier in the sky."

Peter has never felt so helpless in his life.

* * *

"Are you sure this suit will be able to handle him?" Sami asked.

While her other father was preoccupied with SHIELD and Deadpool, Sami had taken the time to help Bruce prep the Batcave should Deadpool somehow find his way down here and cause trouble. They were currently fixing up the Armored Batsuit so it could withstand any and all of Deadpool's attacks.

"If this suit doesn't stop him, the only other solutions would be either the Batmobile or the Batwing." Bruce explained.

"What are we going to do with the Batmobile? Run him over until he's nothing but Street Pizza?" Robin, Or Dick, had asked.

"Goodness, I hope not." Alfred said, dusting off one of the consoles, "I had just gotten the floors cleaned, Sir."

Bruce chuckled, "Don't worry, Alfred. Hopefully, we won't need to worry about this Mercenary. Just a precaution." He explained.

Just then, a button on the center console of the Batcomputer started flashing and beeping. This caused them to turn their attentions to the sound, Bruce walking over to investigate. Bruce pressed the button.

At first, the screen was blurry, showing nothing but a red and black blob. They could hear someone struggling with the camera, cursing at the device's refusal to work. Sami and Dick exchanged confused looks. After the shot had cleared, all they could see was Deadpool's face, causing Sami to groan in annoyance. Now what?

The Merc back away from the camera and cleared his throat, "Hello, Spider-Brat Number...what? Four? Five?" Sami rolled her eyes at that, "Whatever. Listen here, you Little Shit." Deadpool began.

"Nice." Bruce commented sarcastically.

"Hey, buddy!" Deadpool called, referring to Bruce, "Don't interrupt me or I'll get stabby."

Bruce snorted at that, but remained quiet nonetheless. Deadpool continued, "Where was I? Oh! Listen here, Little Shit. Your old man and I are going away for away. Preferably somewhere quiet...and intimately private." Deadpool explained, dragging Peter into the frame. Sami gasped at the sight of him.

Her father looked utterly beaten. He was sporting some bruises and cuts on his face, two bruises: one on his cheek and a black eye, and two cuts: one on his eyebrow and the other on his lip. He looked as though someone had smacked him across before punching him in the face. His head lolled on to Deadpool's shoulder as he struggled to stay standing. His eyes looked glassy, like he had been drugged.

"What have you done, Wilson?" Sami ground out, pushing past Bruce.

The Merc laughed, "I only roughed him up a bit, no harm done...yet. As I was saying, I'm taking Daddy Spider here on a trip and bringing our friend Fury over there as leverage. Hell, I'll even extend an invite to you-"

"No!" Peter grunted, struggling against Wade.

"Whoa there, Tiger! Easy!" Deadpool said, holding on to Peter, "I'm extending an invite to you, Brat. Bring one million dollars in unmarked bills and ten of your best guns, and I'll let you and Fury go free. Bring anyone else, and Fury dies." Deadpool demanded.

"What about my father? How do I free him?" Sami growled.

The Merc let out another laugh, "You would have to die in order for me to even consider his freedom. You have twelve hours. I'll send the coordinates via your comm. link. Ciao!" Deadpool said, before the feed cut off.

The Batcave filled with silence as all eyes fell on Sami. With a furious roar, Sami threw a punch at one of the nearest walls, leaving a decent size dent before walking away from the monitor completely. The other three occupants watched the brunette, unsure of her next move.

"What the hell does that guy want with you?" Dick asked.

Sami turned back to the younger, "Did you not just hear what he said?! He wants-"

Alfred cleared his throat, "I think what young Master Dick meant, was what have you done to that man to cause him to act like that to you?" Alfred asked.

Blue eyes scanned them to see if they would back down. Seeing that they would not, the brunette released a sigh of defeat. She knew this was going to come out eventually, just not like this.

"Bruce," Sami began, "Back at the Gotham Museum...when you asked me how I knew Deadshot-Floyd Lawton..."

The billionaire nodded slowly. Seeing that Bruce understood what she was referring to, the brunette continued, "I wasn't completely honest about how I knew him. He was never arrested and taken to The Raft Prison...he was never even a prisoner there-"

"Miss Samantha, not to sound rude, but do get to the point." Alfred interjected.

"Right, sorry. I just...I don't know how to say this..."

"Oh, for the love of-spit it out already!" Dick complained.

"I worked as an Assassin!" Sami blurted out.

Silence. It was so thick, Bruce could probably cut it with a batarang. Three pairs of eyes watched the distraught teen, who felt as though a weight had been lifted somewhat. Now, she felt as though a heavier one had been placed upon her as those eyes continued to just watch her. They were not sure how to react, much to Sami's displeasure.

"Well...that was not as shocking as I had expected." Dick said, breaking the silence.

"That would certainly explain the preference of guns and high-powered weapons." Alfred explained.

Bruce said nothing, his face remained neutral as he continued to stare at the brunette. Though her confession should have been shocking...it wasn't. She worked with SHIELD after all, so he kind of expected that. What troubled him was that her weapons did not match anything in SHIELD's arsenal.

At all. Though they were advanced, none of their weapons came even close to the sort of technology Sami had. Hers were...strange. He had managed to sneak a handgun away from the teen and brought it to J'honn to analyze, only for the Martian to confirm his theories: her tech was alien.

Now, her confession only seemed to deepen his worries. Mainly, because that meant she was not actually working for SHIELD, but a different and unknown organization entirely. Right now, he had to put these issues aside for Sami's sake.

After seeing no changes in Bruce's expression, she cleared her throat, "You're mad at me." Sami concluded.

"Not mad, just a bit upset. Though, this does explain Deadpool's vendetta against you. You're clearly competition, and a threat to him at that." Bruce deduced.

Sami gave a shaky nod, "And it has worsen his obsession with my Dad."


	8. Tough Luck Spidey

When Peter came to his senses, a headache wracked at his skull. What the hell had happened? After several quiet moments, the events of just hours earlier flooding back into his brain. He gasped, remembering that Deadpool planned to kill his daughter. He jumped up and off of the bed (something that did not exactly surprise him) and ran to the nearest door.

Only to smack right into Wade.

"Whoa, whoa. Where's the fire, Little Spider?" Wade asked, a stack of pancakes in hand.

Peter just looked up at Wade in disbelief, "Where the hell do you think the fire is? I'm leaving, Wade." he replied.

Deadpool just laughed, telling the shorter that he was not going anywhere. That their fun had only just begun. Peter growled in frustration, throwing a punch at the Merc's head. The hit landed, causing the other to stumble backward and drop the plate of pancakes. Peter pushed passed the other as he bolted out of the room. He had no idea where he was going, but anywhere was better than here.

Before he could get any farther, a searing pain tore through his thigh. He released a scream of pain before tumbling to the ground. He released another pained sound as he looked down at his now hurt leg, cursing at what he saw.

Wade fucking shot him in the thigh. The bullet wound was as clear as day. The bullet laid bloody not too far away. He cursed again as Deadpool came over, tucking his gun back into its holster. The mercenary let out an over dramatic sigh as he scolded the web-head for being so careless. He then hoisted Peter up over his shoulder. Peter kneed the other in the chest, before kicking off of him with his good leg.

Deadpool stumbled back once more, "What the shit, Parker?" he asked, chasing after the wounded hero.

As Peter ran down the various hallways he could feel his wound healing slightly though it still caused him to have a slight limp. Behind him, he could hear Deadpool singing what sounded like Taylor Swift. More specifically "Bad Blood". The brunette rolled his eyes at the other man's stupidity. He really hoped he could find a way out fast. From behind, it sounded like Deadpool was picking up speed and approaching fast.

"Spidey! I just want to love you!" Wade hollered.

Peter's heart raced as he saw a door coming up to his right, a dead end not too far beyond that. He pushed on, ignoring the fire that seemed to race up his leg from his wound. After he reached the door, he yanked the door open and slammed it shut. He also made sure to click the lock into place. Not that it would do much, but Peter felt as though it would buy him some time. Turning around, he took in his surroundings and could not help but gasp. Computer consoles lined the walls, monitors hanging above them. At the consoles were chairs, but it was what sat at the chairs that disturbed the Spider.

There were bodies in those chairs. Cold, dead, bloody bodies of men dressed in security guard uniforms. All had some kind of bullet or slash wounds. One guy's body was slumped on the console closest to him, his head laying in a bloody puddle on the floor at his feet. The man's face was frozen in horror, a bullet-hole in his forehead.

"Christ..." Peter gasped, running a hand through his hair.

There was so much carnage, so much death. His eyes trailed over the desk, landing on a picture of a family. Then it hit him. The family in the picture belonged to the beheaded guard. He shook the images out of his head, unable to believe that Wade would go this far. This man had a family, and now, he would never get to see them again. With a deep breath and sigh, he rubbed his hands over his face. A banging at the door reminded him that he was not alone.

Asking the body for forgiveness, Peter quickly shoved the body out of the chair before furiously typing on the console. He had to get out of here, or at least tell SHIELD to send help immediately. He also needed a way to warn Sami to stay away for her own sake. With speed that could rival Quicksilver's own, Peter had been able to successfully hack into one of SHIELD's secure access terminals. He then had been able to get through to communications, but the video feed was down on his end.

"You do not have permission to access this secure line, I'm going to have to ask you to-" An agent's voice reported.

"This is Agent Peter Parker aka Spider-Man. Requesting for immediate back-up. Repeat, requesting for immediate back-up." Peter called.

He did not get a chance to hear what the agent on the other line said over the sound of something banging on the metal door. Peter turned his attention toward the sound, watching as indents made themselves known on the door. Judging by the outlines, it looked as though Deadpool was trying to use an ax to get through. Peter shook his head and turned his attention back to the monitor.

"Spider-Man? Can you hear me?" The agent called.

"I hear you." Peter responded.

"We are sending a crew to your location. Any messages you need me to deliver?"

"Call Agent Samantha Parker and tell her not to engage." Peter commanded.

"Roger that, Mr-" and then there was static.

This caused Peter to look at the control console with panic. What the hell just happened? Why did it cut off like that? Peter quickly inspected the entire console, trying to find a reason for the interference. So far, everything was in place. He traced the power cord to a nearby wall, but stopped when he figured out why the console did not work.

It was the Merc holding the unplugged plug that was the issue.

* * *

The sound of the Batwing's engine roared as Sami flew it through the sky. She had just received an alert from the Helicarrier that Fury had been delivered there only several minutes before she had left. He had told her that the location that Deadpool had given her was a false lead and that they were actually hiding somewhere on Alcatraz Island. When she had asked why there, Fury explained that it used to be one of SHIELD's bases, but has since been used as a communications center. It went dark about an hour ago.

Meaning that she should not expect any survivors other than her father and Deadpool. The Batwing hovered above the island, allowing Sami to jumped out and on to the ground below. Once she touched down, she scanned the area for any traps with her scanner. For someone who meant business and usually made good on his threats, Deadpool was pretty ill-prepared when it came to outside defense.

The sound of something fly through the air made her glare in the direction of the sound. She spoke too soon. At the very last second, she managed to back-flip out of the way in order to avoid a bazooka round. Of course the Merc had a freaking bazooka. Why would he not? She would question where it came from, but no doubt SHIELD probably had an armory on the island and no doubt he probably stole it from there. She rolled her eyes as she heard Deadpool taunting her from one of the guard-towers. The brunette threw down a smoke bomb before ducking for cover.

"Oh, Spidey-brat! Come out so I can blow your brains out!" Deadpool hollered in a singing voice.

"Oh, just shut the hell up, Wade!" Sami hollered back.


	9. A Tale of Two Spideys

To say Sami felt like a complete jackass was an understatement. She was sure if Tetrax or Batman were here, there would be a lecture marathon or a beating in order with her name on it. How the hell did Deadpool get a hold of her to begin with? One minute, she was outside of the prison dodging and ducking out of the way of bazooka blasts. The next minute, she was in one of the cells, cuffed to the cot. Had she had gotten hit by one of the rounds? Did Deadpool use his reality bending ways to put her in this position? Whatever had happened, she was not sure she wanted to know.

"Duh! You're here because the Author was too damn lazy to put in a fight sequence!" Deadpool's voice exclaimed.

Reality Bending it was then. With a roll of her eyes, Sami turned her gaze to the source of the sound. Deadpool wandered into the cellblock, a silver lunch tray in hand. From the smell of it, the mercenary had brought her pancakes smothered in butter and syrup. She scrunched her nose in disgust. Ever since the mercenary had been introduced into her life, pancakes went from being one of her most favorite foods to the food she now could not stand. Knowing Deadpool, he probably planned to shove the food down her throat and/or choke her with them.

"You brought me pancakes." Sami said bluntly.

The Merc told her to shut the hell up as he used his free hand to fish out the keys to the cells from his belt. Once he found them, he flicked through the keys until he had found the one for her cell. He told her to "Stay like a good little bitch" as he unlocked the cell. The brunette rolled her eyes in annoyance as an equally annoyed huff escaped her lips. Like she could move, she felt the cold metal ring on her bicep. This indicated that Deadpool had used one of SHIELD's Power Nullifiers on her; thus rendering her utterly powerless. She could pick the locks on the cuffs, but her gauntlets were too far away and she hadn't stashed a pick in her ponytail or mouth this time. Maybe she stashed one in her bra?

Deadpool kicked at the side of the cot, drawing her attention back to him. After taking a seat on the stool next to the cot, he began to brag about he had beaten her and all that hoopla. Whilst he done so, he force-fed her the pancakes. This caused her to choke and gag several times, but clearly the mercenary did not care as he continued his rantings. He went on to tell the brunette that he would like to kill her, but "Daddy" said no, so he would resort to tormenting her instead. He suddenly paused the feeding as he looked at her for a moment,

"You know, even though I hate you the most out of all of Petey's kids, you're the only one who looks exactly like him. Well, except for the tits and the kitty downstairs, but yeah. Now, I kind of love/hate you in a "I want to kill you whilst fucking you" kind of way. We'll skip the sex, because I only have eyes for my Baby Boy. That, and you're clearly jail-bait and I ain't going to jail because of your ass, so I'll keep you alive and look, but not touch...for now." Deadpool explained.

Sami stared at the other with a look of pure disgust mixed with horror. Welp, that was something she definitely did not need, or want, to hear. She had been told before that she resembled her father the most out of her siblings, but she had not been told that someone would want to have sex with her because of that resemblance. Or that they would kill her while doing her. Another pancake had been shoved down her throat, barely giving her enough time to breathe beforehand. She let out a muffled cry, causing the merc to yell at her.

"Don't be such a pussy. Swallow, damn you! SWALLOW!"

Though she tried, it was a little difficult to do so. A cup was jammed against her mouth, milk flowing down her throat. The brunette managed to catch her breath through her nose prior. Now that the milk helped with the pancakes, her throat was now cleared, causing her to gasp for air. She let out a relieved breath as she was able to breathe clearly once more.

Wade watched the young brunette, making sure she did not choke to death. He did not need the little shit dying on him just yet, his Petey would not like that. Not one bit. No matter how much he would just love to watch the Spider-Brat take in her last breaths, Baby Boy would have his ass and not in the fun way. That, and the little bitch would just pull a Jason Voorhees and beat the shit out of him. Or take his head again. Whatever she was capable of doing first and depending on how pissed she was. If she became that freaky-deaky demon thing again...he did not want to know what this little bitch would do.

"Out of curiosity, is your mother the Devil?" Deadpool asked, causing the brunette to raise a brow.

"What the fuck, Wade?"

* * *

 A grunt escaped his lips as Peter thrashed about in his bonds. His arms and legs had been tied at the wrists and ankles, leaving him to hang by a thicker chain from the ceiling. His costume was littered with rips, holes, and tears. Underneath, his body was covered with cuts, bruises, and various gashes here and there. The bullet wound in his leg hurt worse than hell, the ache of it silently reminding him that it was still there. After shaking off at least some of the pain, Peter attempted to assess his situation. Unfortunately, Wade did not exactly leave any evidence on where he was being kept. Besides the one lightbulb providing the area around him light, the rest of the room was dark.

Before he could question any further, the sound of a door bouncing off the wall reverberated off of the cold concrete walls. Light blinded him from the only entrance to the room. Once his eyes adjusted to the change in lighting, Peter looked back to the source. He could see the silhouette of Wade Wilson, who marched in singing some tune with a large stack of pancakes in hand. Peter rolled his eyes as Deadpool kicked a stool closer to the web-slinger before sitting upon it.

“Satan has been fed, in case you were wondering. She almost choked to death on pancakes! Can you believe that? Such a pansy, she’d be horrible at deep-throating. She would probably bite it off first.” Deadpool explained, holding a forkful of pancakes to Peter’s mouth.

Peter raised a brow in confusion. What did blow jobs have to do with pancakes? Before Peter could question the mercenary, Deadpool was already shoving pancakes down his throat. Of course it was not enough to choke the wall-crawler, but it was enough to catch the other off guard and prevent him from speaking. The next forkful was gentler than the first as Wade went on to tell Peter about what had happened with Sami. About how much the young girl looked like Peter except she was a girl before going on to talk about something called “Gender-bending.” The brunette did not know what that was and frankly did not want to know. 

“I’m not going to kill her. Maybe torture her a bit, if that is alright with you. She kind of owes me all the money she stole from me.” Deadpool explained.

“Mmph…Wade! Of course not! Why would I be okay with you…mph…torturing my daughter?! Why would that be ok- wait…what?!” Peter began, then realizing what the mercenary had just said. Why would Sami owe _Wade_ money?

“I know, right? Your little shit stole my damn contract in Bagdad! All fifty-thousand dollars! That was supposed to be **_MY CONTRACT_** and the little shit killed the son of a bitch and stole my money! You know what I could have done with that cash? Bought like fifty of those hover-board things that the little bastards are riding around on!” Deadpool exclaimed, dropping the rest of the pancakes on the floor in the process.

Peter was even more confused than he was before, “Sami isn’t an assassin. I raised her to be a hero, not some mercenary like you. She’s never killed anyone in her…” he trailed off in realization. 

Sami **_had_** killed someone; Wade. She shot the mercenary dead in the kitchen. It wasn’t like she did not know how to use a gun; SHIELD trained all of the junior agents to use guns. He tried to remember the session that he took Sami to…but he could not. Sami had always skipped those sessions. She even skipped the sparring sessions with Nat. Peter also never remembered teaching her hand-to-hand combat. Somehow, the young brunette knew how to use a gun and how to fight. The question was: how did she learn this…and who taught her?

The Teen Hero was so grounded after this was all over.

* * *

Ah, ha! She did have a lock-pick in her bra! Sami’s victory was cut short when she realized that she had the damn Nullifier on and no way to get to the pick through her suit. A groan escaped her lips as she banged her head back down on the cot in frustration. Damn it, Wade! Another thought crossed her mind: she could dislocate the joints and bones in her wrists and hands to get out of the cuffs. It would hurt like hell at first, considering her regenerating abilities were neutralized at the moment, but if she could get herself free of the cuffs and get to the lock-pick she could get the Nullifier off and escape. 

Now, if she could just remember exactly how to do this. Sami braced herself as she popped the first bone, a scream of pain tore through her throat. One joint down, several more to go.

* * *

 

A sigh escaped Bruce as he flipped the cowl back on his face. He was currently in the cockpit of the Batwing and was about to do something Sami-worthy: teaming up with Tony Stark and doing something so stupid that it may get someone killed. He was going after Deadpool and rescuing Sami and Spider-Man. He no longer had to worry about Fury’s safety. After hacking SHIELD’s frequency, he had found out that Fury had been safely delivered to SHIELD in one piece, but Sami and Peter were still in the line of fire. Deadpool would not kill Peter, but Bruce could not say the same for Sami. Luckily she had her regenerating ability, so she should be okay. 

Batman turned to look toward Tony, who stood not too far away in his Iron Man armor. The other billionaire flashed him a cocky smile whilst giving him thumbs up. He could hear the other holler out “We got this, Bats!” The Caped Crusader shook his head, wondering if teaming up with Stark was either the smartest idea he ever had…or the dumbest. With a flip of a switch, he started up the engine of the Batwing as it began to float off of the launch pad. He could hear the jets on the Iron Man suit do the same. 

Looks like he was about to find out. 


End file.
